fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
