He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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