I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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