she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
