I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
