We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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