Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
please come you make the beer taste better
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
