I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The air was thick with penises
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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