just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
