if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
