There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
