susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm too high and old for this...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
