No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
