I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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