she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
