So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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