So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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