So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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