He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
