she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
