I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
