WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize