I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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