Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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