Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
