I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
