yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
