my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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