We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
