I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
