So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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