so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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