dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
