my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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