Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize