while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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