my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
