Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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