apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
