They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
