she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
