Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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