I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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