Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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