What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
