he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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