what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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