Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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