Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
