The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
