yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I believe in your delicious
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
