So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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