I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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