Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
