It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
