great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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