i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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