I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
