My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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