hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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