Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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