I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
