Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
