I can't watch pbs sober anymore
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
