the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
