when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
